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Semen sociopaths play their Blue-Eyed White Self-Harm cards in attack mode. The end result? A 4 minute tutorial of what not to do when you finally get the leading role of an independent movie. 10/10 reactions tho, would fap again.

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Violated By The Elderly

Nice face. Amazing body. It's the the choice in coworkers where she starts to lose me. To each their own, but personally I would prefer my sexual fantasies to have as little to do with osteoporosis as humanly possible. Bonus lulz at the [3:28] mark when our boy almost checks out mid-nutshot.

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Increase Orgasms While Committing Murder [5 Easy Tips]

Somewhere there's a porn writer that has lost their damned mind.

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Spitters and Quitters 6

Never before have I seen men do something so disrespectful with such finesse. Where there's shame, they show confidence. Where there's shock, they bring warmth. And where there's romance, well... they really don't give a flying fuck.

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Cum Haters 2024C

It truly never ends. Let's just label this one the Shawshank Redemption of "wtf, your load tastes like Alan Greenspan's deceased asshole" Alan probably isn't actually dead, but I trust that the implied mental image is still effective. Game on.

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YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG

Here's some wisdom I picked up while watching an infomercial for Tony Little's Gazelle Sprintmaster - always maintain good form. Sloppy form is how people get Christopher Reeve'ed. Don't think the same is applicable to sucking dick? Neither did she.

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Cum Haters 2025

Another conga line of partially community college educated females being doused in homemade nut chutney: a.k.a. business as usual in the replies of every single thing on Twitter now. If they're looking for a new spokesgirl, I think we just found about 8 of them.

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The Internet Never Forgets

Outside of ejaculating to Nicolas Cage's death scene in The Wicker Man, no male celebrity will bring you remorse quite like Simon 'Dirt Nasty' Rex. Former MTV VJ, rolls with Andy Milonakis... and 20 years ago he took a $100 payday to stick his dick in Zack Morris' bedroom carpet. [Diss Track by Traplord Skybaby]

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The Only Olympics I'm Watching in 2024

I wasn't intending on the ambiguous crossover of Tokyo and The Kentucky Derby to make my boner list... yet here we are.

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Psycho Pornstar Gets Donkey Punched

A disgruntled pornstar is having a bad day, and everything that comes out of this thot's mouth is either penis related or comedy gold. She non-stop says crazy shit until her co-stars feel forced to shut her up.

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Spitters and Quitters 5

Steamrolling into their first attempt at OnlyFans, or making some sort of biological statement? I can't confirm or deny either side, but the total lack of fucks given by half the guys behind the camera makes me think we have some eFukt regulars this time around. whattup?

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NOWHERE TO RUN

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Porn Scenes Worthy of an Oscar 4

If you've ever powered through Fred Durst's 2019 classic "The Fanatic" then nothing will seem out of place. For the other 99.999% of the population: Prepare to be subjected to the kind of cringe Saturday Night Live has been filling their diaper with for the past 2 decades. And tits.

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